Tag Archives: Lucifer

Dogged Ma; chapter fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

I felt horrible about kicking out Ted last night, then not returning his calls.  He’d left three of them, each increasingly desperate.  I knew that my temper got the best of me sometimes, and he had a right to question the origins of my pregnancy.  I hadn’t explained it very well, and it was a strange-sounding story if you’d never met God face-to-face as I had.  I decided to dress up, go over and make amends for my highhanded behavior.  I found a dress that was quite sexy though it showed off my slightly-bulging stomach.  It was a moss green color and dipped to show my increased bust-line.  I pinned my hair up in a ‘sloppy’ bun—which was artfully crafted, of course—before putting on the finishing touches.  I left off the makeup because I hated smearing when I had sex.  As I drove over, I felt happier than I had in a while.  Ted was a reasonable man, and I knew that we could work things out.

“Margaret!”  Ted said, looking shocked as he opened the door a few inches.  I didn’t notice, however, as I was eager to say my piece which I’d rehearsed on the way over.

“Ted, I’m really sorry for springing the news on you that way.  I know it’s a lot to deal with and—”

“You should have called.  Now is not a good time, Margaret,” Ted said, trying to smile.  He wouldn’t open the door any further, however, and his odd behavior reminded me of the night his ex had come barging in on us about to have sex.  I looked closely at Ted and noticed that his hair was mussed, he had traces of lipstick on his lips, and he was sporting an erection.

“Oh, I get it,” I said, my tone frosty.  I could feel my cheeks burning despite my attempt to stay calm.  Motherfucker was playing me for a fool, and I didn’t like it one bit.

“It’s not what it looks like—”

“Teddy?  Who’s at the door?  I’m getting lonely all by myself.”  It was the not-so-dulcet tones of his ex, and she sounded nicely lubricated.  “Come back to Lucinda.”

“Margaret, listen,” Ted said, grabbing my arm.  “We haven’t, we weren’t, that is, it was just kissing.”  He shifted his eyes away, knowing that he sounded like a jerk.

“I see,” I said coldly, stepping out of his grasp.  “Well, I’ll let you return to Lucinda, then.  Wouldn’t want to keep her waiting.”  I turned on my heel and marched to my car, tears blurring my sight.

“Margaret, please!  Come back,” Ted called at the top of his lungs.  I ignored him, however, as I didn’t do sloppy seconds.  It sure hadn’t taken him long to go back to the bitch, had it?  I jumped in my car and fumbled with my keys, finally inserting the right one into the ignition.  As soon as I got the car started, I peeled out of his driveway, not caring if I got stopped by the cops.  My cell phone started ringing immediately as I drove away, but I didn’t bother answering.  I knew it’d be Ted, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to him right now.  Besides, I had to concentrate on getting home in one piece.  Not that I had much to worry about concerning myself, but I didn’t want to cause any accidents on the way.

As soon as I was safely in my home, I ran into my bedroom and threw myself on my bed.  I hated acting like a typical girl, but I couldn’t stop weeping.  I hadn’t known Ted long, but I thought we’d been so simpatico.  I thought he would be man enough to deal with my strange situation; I was obviously wrong.  I could feel a migraine coming which occurred sometimes when I cried too much.  I didn’t care, however, as I welcomed anything that would make me feel more miserable.  My heart wrenched in my chest, causing me to gasp for air.  I pounded the bed best I could and wished it was Ted’s face.  Speaking of the devil, I could hear him talking to my answering machine.

“Margaret, I am so, so sorry.  It’s just that your news shocked the hell out of me, then you kicked me out and wouldn’t answer my calls.  I just—no.  I fucked up.  That’s all.  Lucinda is gone.  Please call me.”  When Hell fro—never.  I would never call him again.  The one thing I couldn’t tolerate was infidelity, which he should have known.  I closed my eyes and cried even harder until I felt someone’s arms around me.  Without looking up, I knew it was Lucifer.

“Margaret Marilyn,” he murmured into my hair.  “Let me comfort you.”  I turned around, facing my nemesis.  He glowed, even in the dark, and there was something almost angelic about his smile.  I reminded myself that he was an angel, albeit one who had fallen to the dark side.  It didn’t dim his allure, however.  There was no trace of the whipping Li Ling had put on him last night, and he was beautiful.  He was erect, but he didn’t press himself against me as he carefully enveloped me in his arms.  His wings folded themselves around us, and I felt so safe—cocooned.  “Cry, Margaret Marilyn.  Get him out of your system.”  I opened my mouth to protest that I wouldn’t get over Ted so easily, but Lucifer captured my mouth with his.  Any thoughts, any words in my head were instantly forgotten as the white-hot pain/pleasure shot through my body when his tongue touched mine.

“Morningstar,” I breathed once we’d broken off the kiss.

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Dogged Ma; chapter fourteen, part two

Chapter Fourteen; Part Two

I handed Ted a cup of coffee before taking one myself.  I sat across from him in a chair as I was in a strange mood.  Skittish, I’d say.  Not because we’d had sex already, but because my body was changing.  I knew it wouldn’t be long before I had to explain my precarious situation, but I didn’t want it to be tonight.  Unfortunately, that probably meant no hands-on fooling around as the signs were unmistakable.  Then again, he was a man.  What did he know about pregnancy?  What I knew was that he was looking at me with puppy-dog eyes, wondering why I was so far away.  I hesitated a moment before giving in to my impulses and plopping down besides him on the couch.  He pulled me to him, careful not to jostle my coffee.  I set down the cup on the table because I didn’t trust myself not to spill.

“Thanks for dinner,” Ted whispered in my ear before nuzzling my neck.  I shivered as I draped my arms around him.  My hormones were triumphing over my brains as usual, and I quickly gave in.  “Is there any way I can repay you?”  He slid his hand over my breast, frustrated at the limited access.  One problem with dresses was that there was no graceful fondling of naked breasts.  Ted realized that trying to worm his way in on top was futile, so he dropped his hand to my knee and slid it up to my thigh.  He met with more success on this route.

“Why don’t you show me your bedroom?”  Ted asked huskily, removing his hand from my thigh.  I nodded as I stood up, holding my hand out to him.  He grabbed it to pull himself up, leaving his coffee behind.

“This is it,” I said, gesturing around me.  I hadn’t done much with it as I didn’t spend much time in it.  However, I had pictures of my family on the wall which gave it a homey touch.

“Maybe we could keep the lights off,” Ted suggested, eyeing my mother’s stern face in consternation.  I suppressed a giggle as I complied; turning off the lights benefited me as well.

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Dogged Ma; chapter fourteen, part one

Chapter Fourteen; Part One

“Hello?  Is this Margaret Wang?”  A British voice filtered through my cell phone, causing me to perk up.  It was Wednesday night, and I’d just been ready to turn on the television to watch a little sports when the phone rang.

“Yes, it is.  Is this Alan Rickman?”  My heart beat a bit faster.  What other Brit did I know?  None.

“Yes, it is, love.  How are you?”  Alan Rickman, talking to me like we were friends.  I had to breathe deeply a few times before answering.

“I’m just fine.  You?”

“Smashing.  I just wanted you to be the first in Minnesota to know that I’ve agreed to perform at the Guthrie.  This fall.  I shall be moving there, temporarily, of course, in a month or two.  What do you think of that?”

“That’s fantastic,” I blurted out, not caring that I sounded like a star-struck teenager.  I thought about it a second and realized that while it was, indeed, fantastic, it was also going to complicate my life somewhat.  There was no denying I was powerfully attracted to Alan.  Would I be able to keep my hands to myself?  “What’s the play?  No, wait, don’t tell me.  I want to be surprised.  It’s enough to know that you get the girl.”  I was rewarded by Alan’s wonderful laugh.  “Thank you for the orchids, by the way.  They were beautiful.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed them,” Alan said warmly.  “You know, you could ring me every now and then.  I did give you my number for a reason.”  My heart stopped at those words.  He actually thought I’d dare to call him?

“I’ll try,” I said inanely.  “I just know how busy you are, and well, I don’t want to bother you.”

“Listen, Margaret,” Alan said in his inimical voice.  “I wouldn’t have given you my number if I didn’t mean for you to use it, all right?”

We chatted for several more minutes until he had to go.  He promised he’d be in touch the minute he got to Minnesota which nearly gave me a heart attack.  I hadn’t thought he was serious when he said he wanted to be friends, but apparently he was.  I said goodbye in a dreamy voice, not caring that I was giving something away.  I knew I’d have to be damn careful when he came into town, but I could dream, couldn’t I?  There was no harm in that.  I knew I was playing with fire, but I just didn’t give a damn.

“So, the Brit is coming back into your life, is he?”  It was Lucifer, of course, and he was glaring at me.  I was glad I had changed into sweats as soon as I got home so I wouldn’t be as appealing.  Then again, it was easier access, something I did not need to think about.

“He has a name, you know,” I said dispiritedly.  I wasn’t in the mood to fence with Lucifer as I wanted to savor my phone call with Alan.

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Dogged Ma; chapter thirteen, part two

Chapter Thirteen; Part Two

“Ned, what am I going to do?”  I asked softly.  I didn’t mind being vulnerable with Ned because I knew he’d never take advantage of what I perceived as my weakness.  “I have to keep Morningstar away from me.  I can’t resist him forever.”  There.  It was out.  My dastardly attraction to the Prince of Darkness—what the fuck did that say about my soul?  I knew I’d always been drawn towards the dark side, but this was beyond the pale.  How the hell could I justify wanting to fuck the devil?  There was no rhyme nor reason to it, but I couldn’t stop the attraction.  That was the problem more than the open portal—I desired the devil.

“What about a crucifix?”  Ned asked.  I began to laugh, but he was serious.  “Maybe it only works for Catholics, though.”

“That’s for vampires,” I said in exasperation.  “Morningstar is not a vampire.”  I didn’t mention that he had vampiric qualities because I wanted to avoid that particular discussion.  “I doubt something as fragile as a cross would do much to ward him off.”

“What about this charm around your neck?”  Ned asked, fingering the thread.  “Isn’t that supposed to call up a protector?”

“Yes, but I never remember to use it,” I admitted, shameful of another flaw.  “When I see Morningstar, the lust is overpowering.  It’s almost as if some dark force is pulling us together.”

“There’s no way for you to block him out,” Ned mumbled.  “Shit, Margaret.  I don’t know what to tell you.  They don’t cover this sort of thing on Doctor Phil.”  Ned’s idea of a lame joke as he didn’t watch that asshole any more than did I.  Doctor Phil, my ass!  The only thing his doctorate was good for was fooling the audience into believing he actually knew something.

“Damn,” I said, closing my eyes.  “I need to take a bath.”  Even though I’d taken a shower earlier, I felt the need to cleanse once again.  “Do me a favor?”  I knew it was going to sound odd, but I didn’t care.  “Sit on the toilet while I bathe?  I’m afraid God or the Morningstar will show up otherwise.”  Ned being there didn’t guarantee they wouldn’t drop by, but at least I would have a witness to whatever they said or did.

“Hey, if you want me to see you naked, all you have to do is ask,” Ned said playfully, patting me on the thigh.  I swatted his hand away as I got up.

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Dogged Ma; chapter thirteen, part one

Chapter Thirteen; Part One

“Where are you?  Are you still with Ted?  Call me.”

“OK, now I know you’re not still with your boy.  Call me!”

I laughed as I erased Ned’s messages, each increasingly agitated.  I had no idea why he took such an interest in my love life when his was infinitely more complicated and fascinating, but I knew I better call him before he busted a gut.  It was ten in the morning Sunday morning, and I had just gotten home.  Ted had skipped church this morning, but he wanted me to go with him at some later date.  I promised I would, and to my surprise, I was looking forward to it.  It would be a change from the Taiwanese church, that was for sure.  Speaking of, Ned should be there right now, but he didn’t go every week; I had a hunch he’d be home this morning just waiting for me to call.  I called him, tapping my foot as I waited for him to answer.

“Girl, what took you so long?  Did you just get home?”  Ned was at full decibel, which meant I had to hold my cell phone away from my ear.  “Oh, no, you didn’t!”  I could practically see him waggling his neck, even across the wires.

“Yes, I did just get home,” I admitted, a smile playing on my lips.  “You wouldn’t believe the drama.”

I wandered into the living room, sinking onto my couch as I did.  I was wearing a t-shirt and sweats borrowed from Ted.  Of course, the latter kept falling off me until Ted had fixed it with a quick basting.  I was impressed Ted had a sewing kit until he reminded me that he was a bachelor.  I liked wearing his clothes, however, and I wasn’t sure I was going to give them back.  I spilled the beans about Ted’s ex, and Ned was appropriately appalled.  He knew Lucinda, of course, and he couldn’t believe she would cause a scene like that.  When I mentioned that she’d been drunk, Ned hadn’t been surprised.  Seemed it ran in her family.  What a shame.

“Now it’s time to dish the dirt,” Ned announced once we were through analyzing Lucinda’s behavior.  “How was he in the sack?”

“I don’t kiss and tell,” I said indignantly.  “Especially not when it’s someone you know.”  I couldn’t resist adding, “I was completely satisfied, though, I’ll tell you that much.  We used a three-pack of condoms, if that tells you anything.”

“You go, girl,” Ned cheered.  He knew how difficult it was for me to find someone who complemented my libido.  That was the most crushing thing about Gary’s betrayal—he had been making excuses not to have sex with me the last six or so months we’d been together, leaving me frustrated more often than not.  While I was wondering what was wrong with him during that time, he was getting it on with one co-ed or another.  “I want details!”  He knew I rarely talked about my sexcapades unless they were one-night stands, so he wasn’t offended when I declined.  “I’m happy for you,” Ned said, his voice subdued for once.  “You deserve someone who treats you right.”

“As do you,” I replied.  Ned had known his fair share of heartache, so I was glad there was someone who put a smile on his face.  “How’s Alonzo?”  I had to listen to exactly how Alonzo was for the next ten minutes because unlike me, Ned did kiss and tell.  By the time he was done, I knew far more about Alonzo than I’d ever wanted to know.

“Oh, I have a great idea!”  Ned said after his recitation.  “I’m inviting you and Ted to my place for dinner very soon.  I’ll invite Alonzo as well, and it’ll be like a double-date!  What do you think?”

“That’ll be fun,” I said enthusiastically.  “Alonzo doesn’t hate women, does he?”  More than once, Ned had introduced me to one of his paramours only to discover that I was most emphatically not welcomed.

“Nope.  Some of his best friends are women.  He told me so himself.”  With that settled, I got off the phone.  I wanted to clean the apartment—something I did once in a blue moon.  Alas, it was not to be.

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Dogged Ma; chapter nine, part three

Chapter Nine; Part Three

“Delivery for Margaret Wang.”

“I’ll be right there.”  Another one?  Who could it be this time?  I went downstairs and peeked outside, seeing a delivery guy with a bouquet of fiery orange and red roses.  The colors of the roses were so pure, they almost hurt my eyes.

“Here you go,” the delivery guy said, thrusting the enormous bouquet into my waiting arms.  I rushed upstairs, eager to find out who’d sent me such a beautiful arrangement.  I hunted for the card before finally finding it.  In beautiful penmanship, someone had inscribed, ‘Margaret Marilyn, you are mine.  Morningstar.’  They were from Lucifer!  I should throw them away.  They were, without a doubt, the most breathtaking roses I’d ever seen, and I didn’t even care for roses.  I walked slowly into the kitchen trying to decide what to do.  In the end, I rationalized that it couldn’t hurt to keep them.  They would die in a few days, anyway, wouldn’t they?  Suddenly, I wasn’t sure they were real flowers.  I mean, Lucifer could have had them specially made if he wanted.  I arranged them, anyway, and brought them into the living room where I set the vase besides the orchids from Alan.  The two bouquets looked great side-by-side; I could get used to being treated like a queen.  Too bad neither bunch was from the guy I was actually trying to date.

I needed to do something about Lucifer.  He was stepping up his campaign, and I wasn’t sure how long I’d be able to hold out against him.  I called Wind who answered on the third ring.  Seems I had disturbed her during her meditation time for which I profusely apologized.  When I explained what I wanted, however, she agreed to come over and see what she could do.  She didn’t sound as confident as I would have liked given that Li Ling had practically promised that Wind could take care of the problem, but I let it go.  I thought about calling my mother again, but I resisted.  She had to make the first overture.  I flicked on the television to watch something until Wind came.  It was a welcome respite from thinking.  I was so engrossed in the Iron Chefs that the buzzer startled me when it sounded forty-five minutes later.

“Wind?”  I asked before buzzing her up.  I hugged her gratefully after she breezed into my apartment.  She was in a simple gauzy skirt and t-shirt, no accessories or makeup.

“Time for the big guns, I guess,” Wind said briskly, lugging her over-sized bag inside.  She stopped as she noticed the flowers on my coffee table.  “Please tell me those are from Ted because you had a really great date.”

“We did have a great date,” I said, motioning her in.  “However, the orchids are from Alan and the roses are from….”  I hesitated because I knew how she felt about me consorting with the devil.  “Lucifer.”

“The devil?  He sent you flowers?”  Wind shrieked, causing me to wince.  I had sensitive ears, and she had a booming voice when she so chose.  “You have to get rid of them.”  Before I could stop her, she grabbed the flowers, strode over to the window and flung them out.

“Hey!  What did you do that for?”  I protested, rushing over to the window.  There were my beautiful roses, lying on the ground.  Before anybody could step on them, however, they slowly started rising in the air until they were right outside my window.  The funny thing was that nobody paid the slightest attention to the floating flowers.

“Don’t touch those,” Wind shouted, struggling to get me away from the window.  “What good will it do for me to seal the portal if you allow those roses in your apartment?”  I must have looked confused because she expanded.  “As long as you keep something of the devil’s in your apartment, he will always be afforded access.  You must cleanse your apartment from his presence, down to the last flower.”  She was so engrossed in her lecturing, she didn’t notice the roses tossing themselves through my window and back into their vase.  When she saw them sitting as pretty as you please on the coffee table, she made a sound of disgust in the back of her throat.  “It appears that you have to throw them out if we want to be rid of them for good.”  But did I?

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Dogged Ma; chapter eight

Chapter Eight

“Margaret!  Let us in!”  It was Thursday night, and someone was banging at my door.  Shit.  It was Wind and Ned.  Again, somebody had let them in.  I had half a mind to talk to the landlord about the lax security, but it didn’t seem worth the effort.

“Wind, Ned, how nice of you to drop by.”  I pasted a smile on my face as I opened my door.  “Ever hear of phoning first?”

“I’m here to cleanse your apartment,” Wind announced, pushing me aside.  She was wearing a flowing skirt decorated with tarot card figures and a red peasant blouse.  She had a scarf wound around her head, and she was at her most fey.  Ned was trailing her, rolling his eyes at her back.  I would have laughed if I weren’t completely befuddled as to what Wind was saying.  “Ned and I talked it over and decided that it was the devil who’s been talking to you—not God.  That’s why I need to do a cleansing ceremony.”  She opened her bag and dumped the contents of it onto the coffee table in my living room.

“Wind, it wasn’t the devil,” I interposed, eyeing the items with curiosity.  She had sage, tarot cards, a bottle of a clear liquid, and a few other things I couldn’t identify.  “I’ve met Lucifer, so I know it wasn’t him.”  The minute I said that, I wished I hadn’t.  For some reason, I wanted to keep Lucifer to myself.  Me and my big mouth.

“You met the devil?  What’s he like?”  Ned asked, his eyes wide.  “Is he just too gruesome for words?”

“Actually, he’s the best-looking man I’ve ever met,” I said, keeping my voice casual.  I couldn’t fool my two best friends, however, and they exchanged looks of horror.  “After Alan, of course.”  I tried to switch tacks, but they were having none of that.

“You have a crush on the devil?”  Wind asked, clutching her sage to her bosom.

“I didn’t say that,” I protested, feeling a twinge of conscience.  If I were to be absolutely honest, I did have a little crush on the Morningstar.  “I was talking strictly about his physical pulchritude, which is magnificent.”

“What did he want?”  Ned asked, eyeing me with curiosity.  “I mean, Lucifer just doesn’t show up to say hi, does he?”

We all sat down in the living room as I unfolded my tale about meeting Lucifer.  They couldn’t believe I hadn’t told them right away, but they forgave me when I said that I needed time to digest meeting the devil.  What I didn’t tell them was how Lucifer had almost seduced me into revealing what God wanted with me.  I also didn’t divulge God’s warning about what might happen if I took Lucifer up on his offer.  I knew I should have told them everything, but I wanted to keep something to myself.  My entire life had been ripped apart the last few weeks, and I wanted to maintain a vestige of privacy.  At least, that’s what I told myself.

“God, the devil, the Angel of Death, and a protection angel,” Ned mused, looking shell-shocked.  “You’ve had quite the experience, haven’t you?”  He looked as if he was wondering whom I’d meet next.  I did, too, what with the way celestial beings were using my apartment as Grand Central Station.

“I have a date with Ted tomorrow night as well,” I said brightly, trying to change the tenor of the conversation.

“That’s right,” Ned said, brightening as well.  “Wouldn’t it be funny if he turned out to be an alien or something as well?”  The look I shot him said it most definitely would not be funny, thank you very much.

“Who’s Ted?”  Wind asked, looking from Ned to me and back.  That reminded us that we hadn’t told her about the drama on Saturday, so we were off and running.  We told her everything in excruciating detail, and I had Ned howling with my recitation of misdeeds I had committed at said party.  When we reached the part of Ned grappling with his father, well, we all lost it.  It had been terrifying at the time, but it was hysterical in retrospect.  How white trash can you get, wrestling with your father in his living room?  While you’re both wearing tuxes?  It tickled our funny bone to no end.

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Dogged Ma; chapter six, part two

Chapter Six, Part Two

“You know, that stuff is bad for you,” God said, leaning against my refrigerator.  I sighed as I turned to face Him.  He was in chartreuse this time, which was hard on the eyes.  Immediately, He muted it to a dusty rose.  I surmised He had chosen the chartreuse simply for effect.  How like Him.

“I hope You’re not planning on doing this after Gwen is born,” I said sharply, realizing the stupidity of my statement as soon as it escaped my mouth.  Of course, He wouldn’t stop visiting once His child was born.  If anything, He’d probably increase the frequency of His unplanned visits in order to meddle in Gwen’s affairs.  It pissed me off to no end that I no longer had a modicum of control over my life, and I voiced my displeasure to God.  “You know, You’re working my last nerve.  Couldn’t You at least have the decency to stick to a schedule so I don’t have to worry about You showing up unannounced?”  God didn’t answer, which ratcheted my irritation tenfold.

“This shit has got to stop,” I shouted, my hands on my hips.  I didn’t know if it was my hormones going in overdrive, but I’d had enough of the Almighty and His highhanded ways.  “Get the fuck out of my kitchen.  Now!”  God still didn’t speak, nor did He move.  Without thinking, I picked up a pan and hurled it at Him.  It hit Him in the pecs and bounced off harmlessly.  It fell to the floor with a loud thud, causing me to jump.  God slowly turned translucent as I hauled another pot His way.  This time, the pot went through Him, hit the fridge and slid to the floor.  Past caring, I hurled pot after pan after plate at Him, some smashing in bits when they hit the floor.  Some minutes later, I finally ran out of gas and sagged against the counter.  Eyeing the carnage with distaste, I grabbed the broom and the dustpan from the closet.

“You done with your little snit?”  God asked, having the audacity to sound amused.  He remained transparent, which greatly bothered me.  I didn’t like being able to see through God, but He didn’t give a damn about my feelings, or so it seemed.  “Or is there more you’d like to get off your chest?”

“I’m through,” I sulked, tossing the debris into the garbage can.  “What the fuck do You want?”  I knew my mouth was going to get me into trouble with God one of these days, but I couldn’t help myself.  Something about Him brought out the worst in me.

“I just wanted to tell you that you’ll be receiving a visit from My son shortly.  Ignore everything he says.”  God smiled suddenly, nearly knocking me over with the dazzle.  It was spooky looking at a pair of gleaming teeth set in—nothingness.  Just like that, He was gone.

“Shit,” I muttered, cradling my head in my hands.  When I had recovered from His visit, I picked up my cell phone to speed-dial Pie-A-Plenty, the nearest pizza shop.  As I was about to punch the button, a portal appeared in my kitchen.  Great.  It was Lucifer.  At least I was still in my work clothes, which meant a slim red skirt and a black blouse.  I chided myself for giving a damn and punched the button on the dial.  Lucifer was going to have to wait until I ordered my pizza before telling me whatever it was he wanted to say.  I was too damn disgruntled to deal with him on a partially-empty stomach.

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Dogged Ma; chapter five

 

Chapter Five

First thing I did when I got home was take a bubble bath.  Well, second thing after tucking my Hermes scarf safely in my dresser drawer.  I deserved the bubbles after such a harrowing experience, and I could soak as long as I liked since I didn’t have to get up at any certain time tomorrow.  I was luxuriating in a milk bubble bath with candles flickering, the late, great Barry White on the CD player.  I had a glass of red wine from which I periodically sipped.  I closed my eyes as the tension ebbed from my body.  I didn’t want to think about anything, and a bubble bath was the only thing that allowed me not to think.  Well, that and cleaning, but I was in no mood to clean.  A slob by nature, I turned into Donna Reed on crack when I cleaned.  If I had been a fifties’ housewife, I would have had to be sedated 24/7 because somebody would always be tracking dirt on MY CLEAN FLOOR.

“We have to stop meeting like this.”  I sighed at the sound of God’s voice.  He seemed to take a perverse delight visiting me while I was laving.  I wondered if there was something salacious in this occurrence.  “It’s the only time you’re not occupied with anything else,” God said, sounding amused.  “Besides which, it’s the only time you really relax.  A relaxed you bodes better for our conversations.”

“Dual monologues,” I interposed, still not opening my eyes.  “You say Your thing and I say my thing, but they don’t often intersect.”  I paused as I loofahed my elbow.  “To what do I owe this pleasure?”  I wasn’t the most gracious of hosts, granted, but He wasn’t the most gracious of guests, either, so that made us even.

“Just wanted to see how the evening went,” God said, His voice casual.  I finally looked at Him and saw that He had chosen purple this time.  It was a good color on Him, but I loath to tell Him so.  He seemed to have more good colors than bad, which made sense, I supposed.

“What was so urgent You had to leave?”  I countered, closing my eyes again.  I didn’t want to become accustomed to the sight of God in all His glory; I just wanted Him to go away.

“Can’t tell you,” God said tersely.  “I had to leave Zeke in charge.”

“What exactly does Zeke do?”  I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.  Of course, I’d read about the Angel of Death and all his duties, but Zeke didn’t seem to fit the stereotype.  He certainly wasn’t as good-looking or compassionate as the Angel of Death on that angel show some time ago—the one with the Irish angel and the African-American angel.

“Trade secret,” God said briskly.  I peeked at Him, only to find Him staring at me in return.  I closed my eyes again.  “I told you to tell Ned’s parents before the shindig, not after.”

“What difference would it have made?”  I exclaimed, sitting straight up in the tub and opening my eyes at the same time.  When I realized I was flashing my breasts at God, well, I sunk back down in a hurry.  This was getting old.  There had to be some way to keep the Almighty out of my bathroom.

“Not a chance,” God said cheerfully, humming a tune under his breath.  It took me a minute to recognize it as ‘I Like the Way You Move’ by Big Boi of Outkast.  Great.  God’s a rap fan.  Who would have figured?  “The difference is that the Changs would have went through with the party and would have time to simmer down.”

“You really are an optimist, aren’t You?”  I asked, my tone incredulous.  “Telling them before would have been worse because their indignation would have had time to grow.  Mr. Chang carries a grudge like nobody I’ve seen before.  One time, an acquaintance of his didn’t say hi to him as they crossed paths downtown, and Mr. Chang didn’t speak to him for a year.  There is no way in hell that he would have calmed down about Ned being gay, especially if we’d told him with his friends there.”

“At least you got a date out of it,” God said, sounding impossibly smug.

“Did you send Ted to dinner tonight?”  I asked suspiciously.  I wouldn’t put it past Him to pull a stunt like that.

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