Monthly Archives: August 2018

Dogged Ma; chapter fourteen, part one

Chapter Fourteen; Part One

“Hello?  Is this Margaret Wang?”  A British voice filtered through my cell phone, causing me to perk up.  It was Wednesday night, and I’d just been ready to turn on the television to watch a little sports when the phone rang.

“Yes, it is.  Is this Alan Rickman?”  My heart beat a bit faster.  What other Brit did I know?  None.

“Yes, it is, love.  How are you?”  Alan Rickman, talking to me like we were friends.  I had to breathe deeply a few times before answering.

“I’m just fine.  You?”

“Smashing.  I just wanted you to be the first in Minnesota to know that I’ve agreed to perform at the Guthrie.  This fall.  I shall be moving there, temporarily, of course, in a month or two.  What do you think of that?”

“That’s fantastic,” I blurted out, not caring that I sounded like a star-struck teenager.  I thought about it a second and realized that while it was, indeed, fantastic, it was also going to complicate my life somewhat.  There was no denying I was powerfully attracted to Alan.  Would I be able to keep my hands to myself?  “What’s the play?  No, wait, don’t tell me.  I want to be surprised.  It’s enough to know that you get the girl.”  I was rewarded by Alan’s wonderful laugh.  “Thank you for the orchids, by the way.  They were beautiful.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed them,” Alan said warmly.  “You know, you could ring me every now and then.  I did give you my number for a reason.”  My heart stopped at those words.  He actually thought I’d dare to call him?

“I’ll try,” I said inanely.  “I just know how busy you are, and well, I don’t want to bother you.”

“Listen, Margaret,” Alan said in his inimical voice.  “I wouldn’t have given you my number if I didn’t mean for you to use it, all right?”

We chatted for several more minutes until he had to go.  He promised he’d be in touch the minute he got to Minnesota which nearly gave me a heart attack.  I hadn’t thought he was serious when he said he wanted to be friends, but apparently he was.  I said goodbye in a dreamy voice, not caring that I was giving something away.  I knew I’d have to be damn careful when he came into town, but I could dream, couldn’t I?  There was no harm in that.  I knew I was playing with fire, but I just didn’t give a damn.

“So, the Brit is coming back into your life, is he?”  It was Lucifer, of course, and he was glaring at me.  I was glad I had changed into sweats as soon as I got home so I wouldn’t be as appealing.  Then again, it was easier access, something I did not need to think about.

“He has a name, you know,” I said dispiritedly.  I wasn’t in the mood to fence with Lucifer as I wanted to savor my phone call with Alan.

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Dogged Ma; chapter thirteen, part two

Chapter Thirteen; Part Two

“Ned, what am I going to do?”  I asked softly.  I didn’t mind being vulnerable with Ned because I knew he’d never take advantage of what I perceived as my weakness.  “I have to keep Morningstar away from me.  I can’t resist him forever.”  There.  It was out.  My dastardly attraction to the Prince of Darkness—what the fuck did that say about my soul?  I knew I’d always been drawn towards the dark side, but this was beyond the pale.  How the hell could I justify wanting to fuck the devil?  There was no rhyme nor reason to it, but I couldn’t stop the attraction.  That was the problem more than the open portal—I desired the devil.

“What about a crucifix?”  Ned asked.  I began to laugh, but he was serious.  “Maybe it only works for Catholics, though.”

“That’s for vampires,” I said in exasperation.  “Morningstar is not a vampire.”  I didn’t mention that he had vampiric qualities because I wanted to avoid that particular discussion.  “I doubt something as fragile as a cross would do much to ward him off.”

“What about this charm around your neck?”  Ned asked, fingering the thread.  “Isn’t that supposed to call up a protector?”

“Yes, but I never remember to use it,” I admitted, shameful of another flaw.  “When I see Morningstar, the lust is overpowering.  It’s almost as if some dark force is pulling us together.”

“There’s no way for you to block him out,” Ned mumbled.  “Shit, Margaret.  I don’t know what to tell you.  They don’t cover this sort of thing on Doctor Phil.”  Ned’s idea of a lame joke as he didn’t watch that asshole any more than did I.  Doctor Phil, my ass!  The only thing his doctorate was good for was fooling the audience into believing he actually knew something.

“Damn,” I said, closing my eyes.  “I need to take a bath.”  Even though I’d taken a shower earlier, I felt the need to cleanse once again.  “Do me a favor?”  I knew it was going to sound odd, but I didn’t care.  “Sit on the toilet while I bathe?  I’m afraid God or the Morningstar will show up otherwise.”  Ned being there didn’t guarantee they wouldn’t drop by, but at least I would have a witness to whatever they said or did.

“Hey, if you want me to see you naked, all you have to do is ask,” Ned said playfully, patting me on the thigh.  I swatted his hand away as I got up.

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Dogged Ma; chapter thirteen, part one

Chapter Thirteen; Part One

“Where are you?  Are you still with Ted?  Call me.”

“OK, now I know you’re not still with your boy.  Call me!”

I laughed as I erased Ned’s messages, each increasingly agitated.  I had no idea why he took such an interest in my love life when his was infinitely more complicated and fascinating, but I knew I better call him before he busted a gut.  It was ten in the morning Sunday morning, and I had just gotten home.  Ted had skipped church this morning, but he wanted me to go with him at some later date.  I promised I would, and to my surprise, I was looking forward to it.  It would be a change from the Taiwanese church, that was for sure.  Speaking of, Ned should be there right now, but he didn’t go every week; I had a hunch he’d be home this morning just waiting for me to call.  I called him, tapping my foot as I waited for him to answer.

“Girl, what took you so long?  Did you just get home?”  Ned was at full decibel, which meant I had to hold my cell phone away from my ear.  “Oh, no, you didn’t!”  I could practically see him waggling his neck, even across the wires.

“Yes, I did just get home,” I admitted, a smile playing on my lips.  “You wouldn’t believe the drama.”

I wandered into the living room, sinking onto my couch as I did.  I was wearing a t-shirt and sweats borrowed from Ted.  Of course, the latter kept falling off me until Ted had fixed it with a quick basting.  I was impressed Ted had a sewing kit until he reminded me that he was a bachelor.  I liked wearing his clothes, however, and I wasn’t sure I was going to give them back.  I spilled the beans about Ted’s ex, and Ned was appropriately appalled.  He knew Lucinda, of course, and he couldn’t believe she would cause a scene like that.  When I mentioned that she’d been drunk, Ned hadn’t been surprised.  Seemed it ran in her family.  What a shame.

“Now it’s time to dish the dirt,” Ned announced once we were through analyzing Lucinda’s behavior.  “How was he in the sack?”

“I don’t kiss and tell,” I said indignantly.  “Especially not when it’s someone you know.”  I couldn’t resist adding, “I was completely satisfied, though, I’ll tell you that much.  We used a three-pack of condoms, if that tells you anything.”

“You go, girl,” Ned cheered.  He knew how difficult it was for me to find someone who complemented my libido.  That was the most crushing thing about Gary’s betrayal—he had been making excuses not to have sex with me the last six or so months we’d been together, leaving me frustrated more often than not.  While I was wondering what was wrong with him during that time, he was getting it on with one co-ed or another.  “I want details!”  He knew I rarely talked about my sexcapades unless they were one-night stands, so he wasn’t offended when I declined.  “I’m happy for you,” Ned said, his voice subdued for once.  “You deserve someone who treats you right.”

“As do you,” I replied.  Ned had known his fair share of heartache, so I was glad there was someone who put a smile on his face.  “How’s Alonzo?”  I had to listen to exactly how Alonzo was for the next ten minutes because unlike me, Ned did kiss and tell.  By the time he was done, I knew far more about Alonzo than I’d ever wanted to know.

“Oh, I have a great idea!”  Ned said after his recitation.  “I’m inviting you and Ted to my place for dinner very soon.  I’ll invite Alonzo as well, and it’ll be like a double-date!  What do you think?”

“That’ll be fun,” I said enthusiastically.  “Alonzo doesn’t hate women, does he?”  More than once, Ned had introduced me to one of his paramours only to discover that I was most emphatically not welcomed.

“Nope.  Some of his best friends are women.  He told me so himself.”  With that settled, I got off the phone.  I wanted to clean the apartment—something I did once in a blue moon.  Alas, it was not to be.

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Dogged Ma; chapter twelve, part two

 Chapter Twelve; Part Two

“Margaret, I’m glad you found my place all right.”  Ted’s voice trailed off as he opened the door to his Kenwood home.  His eyes widened when he caught sight of what I was wearing.

“Are you going to invite me in?”  I asked demurely, slipping my wrap off my shoulders and handing it to him.  He took it silently and stepped aside.  I took a second to check him out as well.  He was wearing black khakis, a silver shirt, and a black sports coat.  Black socks and no shoes, of course.  He looked hot as hell, and I had an impulse to skip dinner and go straight to his bedroom.  I reined myself in as I stepped out of my shoes, however.  I didn’t want to appear that forward.

“Margaret, you look indescribable,” Ted said, finding his voice at last.  He ushered me into the living room which was painted a warm marigold.  There were Ansel Adam reprints on his wall—at least, I thought they were reprints—as well as a few Chinese scrolls.  Even though the furniture was clearly expensive, the room was homey due to the color.  He had photos of his family on his bookshelves, and I noticed how uncommonly good-looking both his siblings were.  “Please, sit.  May I get you something to drink?”

“Rum and Diet Coke, if you have it.  A Rolling Rock if you don’t.”  I smiled up at Ted who nodded his head as he left the room.  I watched his ass, noticing how firm it appeared.  As soon as he was out of sight, I went over to the bookshelves to see what he had.  Toni Morrison, David Mura, Asian writers’ anthologies, a few Laurie Kings.  A wide variety, all of it good.  My estimation of him shot up a notch as I realized he hadn’t been bullshitting me at the party.  He did, indeed, have similar tastes to mine.  He also had a bunch of poetry which I didn’t recognize.  I didn’t do poetry, much to the chagrin of Wind who was always foisting this poet and that upon me.  Of course, she loved the Beats, whom I loathed.

“Here we go,” Ted said, returning with two Rolling Rocks.  He handed one to me before clinking the top of his bottle against mine.  “Here’s to a great dinner.  I hope I didn’t burn it.”

“Oh!  That reminds me.  Here.”  I thrust a bottle of port out to him.  I didn’t normally drink wine, but port was an exception.  “For dinner.”  I had no idea what he was making—though it smelled like Italian—but we could have it with dessert if nothing else.

“Great.  I love a good port.”  Ted set it on the coffee table, shifting from one foot to the next.  It occurred to me that he was waiting for me to sit down on the black suede couch, so I did.  I sank into it was more like it as it was impossibly buttery.

“This is one nice couch,” I said, patting the seat besides me.

“A little gift from my parents,” Ted said dryly, sitting besides me.  I could feel the heat even though he wasn’t touching me, and I hastily gulped at my beer to cool down.

“Something smells delicious,” I said brightly.  “You must be a great cook.”

“I’m all right,” Ted said, shrugging his shoulders.  “I had to cook for my brother and sister when we were little.  I learned to be creative pretty quickly in order to please those two.  Edgar would only eat meat and potatoes whereas Tina had a taste for haute cuisine.  Imagine trying to cook for those two at the same time!  As a result, I’ll eat anything.”  He didn’t say why he had to cook for his siblings, but I guessed it had something to do with his alcoholic mother.  “It’s chicken parmigiana, the Italian way.  A Caesar salad on the side and garlic bread, of course.  I made tiramisu for dessert.”  My mouth watered as he ran down the menu.

“You’re hired,” I said jokingly, patting him on the arm.  “We need a good cook at the alternative school where I teach.  The food is off and on right now, depending on our cook’s mood.  Given that she is bipolar and doesn’t always take her meds, it’s more off than on.”  I shook my head.  I looked at Ted who was gazing down at me.  Without seeming to, we moved towards each other, meeting in the middle.  When his lips touched mine, I knew without a doubt that we’d be having sex tonight.  Before or after dinner was an open question, but we were going to have it.  Ted leaned into the kiss, gently pushing me down onto the couch.  I was about to give in when I smelled a whiff of something acrid.

“Ted, your food.”  I pushed him off me, alarmed at missing a home-cooked meal.  Hell, I could have sex any time.  How often did I get a guy to cook for me?

“Shit.”  Ted jumped up from the couch and rushed to the kitchen.  I whipped out my lipstick carrier which had a mirror in it and reapplied my lipstick.  Ted must have wiped his mouth as well before returning because he was lipstick-free.  “Dinner is served.  Would you like to adjourn to the dining room?”  He motioned for me to follow, and I did.

“Good Lord,” I murmured, looking around me in awe.  This room was forest-green with abstract art on the walls.  I was beginning to think that the paintings were real and not prints, but that would be astronomical.  Then again, his family was filthy rich, so perhaps dropping a few million on a painting wasn’t such a big deal to them.  The table seemed to be made of mahogany, and I bet it’d been in the family for quite some time.  The china looked ancient, and the silverware was real silver.  Antiques Road Show would have a field day with this house.  Come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind meeting the twins.

“Sit, sit,” Ted said, coming out of the kitchen with a steaming-hot dish in his hand.  It smelled heavenly, and I assumed it was the sauce.  “I slaved all day making you this.”

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Dogged Ma; chapter twelve, part one

  Chapter Twelve; Part One

“Liz!  What are you doing here?”  It was Friday night, and my sister had shown up unexpectedly.  Again, she got into the building without me buzzing her up.  This was happening more frequently than I liked; I reluctantly decided to call the landlord first thing Monday morning during my prep hour at school to take care of it.

“Are you going to let me in?”  Liz asked waspishly, taking me by surprise.  She was the easygoing one in the family, the sister quick to jump in when others were fighting.  I’d never heard an edge to her voice.  Until tonight.  “I took the bus to see you, so the least you could is let me into your apartment.”

“Come in.”  I stood aside, watching Liz as she entered.  She had cut her waist-length hair so that it fell just slightly past her shoulders in a shag cut.  It looked cute with her pixie face and pointed chin, but my mother must have had a fit when she saw it.  She thought girls under thirty should have long hair.  Liz was taking her time removing her shoes, so I was able to study her more carefully.  Always the thinnest of the sisters, she was almost gaunt now.  She was wearing jeans which hung on her slight hips and a fitted top that was loose as well.  She’d never had big boobs to begin with, but now they were nonexistent.  There were dark circles under her eyes, and she looked exhausted.  I vowed not to get into it with her, even though I knew why she was there.  She dumped her bag by the door, waiting for me to make my overtures.

“Would you like some tea, Liz?  How about some chocolate chip cookies?  They’re your favorite—triple chocolate chunk cookies.  I made them a few nights ago.”  I observed her closely as I made my offer as I was beginning to form a suspicious thought.

“Ew, no,” Liz said, wrinkling her nose.  “Do you know how many calories are in one of your special cookies?  A zillion.”  She straightened up and flashed me a wan grin before hugging me.  It was like hugging a skeleton, and it creeped me out.

“Are you dieting?”  I asked sharply, pulling away from Liz and holding her at an arm’s length.  Her cheeks had hollowed out, and there was a pinched look about her face that hadn’t been there before.

“Just a little,” Liz admitted, not meeting my eyes.  “After Scott dumped me, I felt I needed to get into shape.  You know how it is.”

“You were already in shape,” I pointed out, steering my sister to the living room.  I waited for her to sit before continuing my interrogation.  “What did Scott say to make you feel you needed to lose weight?”  Inside, I was seething.  Scott Jorgenson was a football player with a raging ego.  He was known to blow through the girls like they were nothing.  I had met him once and had been less than impressed.  He and Liz had dated two months before he dumped her.  Since I hadn’t heard her complain, I’d assumed she’d been fine with it.  Big mistake.  Liz didn’t talk about her problems to anyone, which was why she’d struggled with an eating disorder for the last ten years.

“He just said, you know, that I didn’t look as good as I had when we started dating.”  Liz tried to say it casually, but her tone was brittle.  I wanted to hunt down Jorgenson and slice his nuts off.  He was also known to be extremely nasty when he broke up with a girl, probably because of his guilty conscience.  I would bet the fact that Liz wanted to remain a virgin until marriage had more to do with his dumping her than her looks.  “He’s right, you know.  I gained a pound while I was dating him.”  Scott was six-four and almost two-fifty—not all of it muscle.  He was not one to talk about gaining weight, let me tell you.

“Liz, that’s nuts, and you know it.”  I was blunt because nothing else worked with my sister.  Our family had learned through long, hard, painful experience that the only way to even hope to get through her obsession was to be honest to the point of rudeness.  It jolted her out of her trance.  “You look like you should be in a concentration camp.  I bet you’re blacking out again, aren’t you?”  Liz hung her head but didn’t answer.  “Wait right here.”

I left the room before she could respond.  I went into the kitchen and rummaged through my fridge.  Fortunately, I had some leftover noodles and soup from Bona.  Pho, with beef.  My favorite, and one of hers as well.  I heated it in the microwave while pouring a glass of skim milk.  I knew it would be better if Liz had whole, but all I had was skim.  She wouldn’t put up as big a fight if it was skim, anyway.  I grabbed a banana, too.  I put everything on a tray, including utensils.  I grabbed two cookies and placed them on the tray as well.  I’d be lucky if she ate one, but I’d eat the leftover cookie if she didn’t.  Now, I just had to wait for the soup to heat up.  When it was ready, I poured it in a bowl and carried everything back into the living room.  Liz was slumped over on the couch, her eyes closed.  I set the tray on the coffee table and sat next to Liz.

“Liz, wake up.”  I nudged her gently in the ribs, not wanting to bruise her.

“Huh, what?”  Liz opened her eyes, blinking in confusion.  “Where am I?  What happened?”

“You must have blacked out for a minute,” I said, concealing my sadness from her.  I’d been doing this song and dance with her for the last ten years, on and off.  I couldn’t understand how such a beautiful, intelligent girl could be so stupid.  “Here.  Eat this soup.”  I placed the spoon in her hand and closed her fingers over it.  “Now.”  My tone let her know there was no choice but to obey.  She knew I’d force-feed her if I had to, though that was definitely the last resort.  Reluctantly, she spooned a tiny amount of the broth into her mouth and swished it around five times before swallowing.  I knew every bite would take as long if not longer, but I didn’t care.  I’d take all night if I had to.

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Dogged Ma; chapter eleven

Chapter Eleven

“Delivery for Margaret Wang.”  This was getting to be a regular occurrence.  I had just gotten home from work Monday night and had been about to check my messages when my buzzer rang.

“I’ll be right down.”  I hurried downstairs and peeked at a delivery guy who was holding yet another bouquet of flowers.  “Hold on a minute,” I said as he thrust the flowers at me.  “Will you please read the card to me?”  The delivery man gave me a strange look, but obliged my odd request.

“It says, ‘Margaret, I had a good time Friday night.  Here’s a token of my appreciation for the best night I’ve had in a some time.  Cheers, Ted.’  Look, do you want them or not?  It makes no difference to me.”

“I’ll take them,” I said, smiling at the man.  He thrust them into my outstretched hands before beating a hasty retreat.  I took the fragrant bluebells up to my apartment where I found a nice vase for them.  Not the Lucifer one, of course, as that was in the dumpster across the way.  I set the bluebells on the coffee table in my living room next to Alan’s orchids, and I felt so pampered.  I’d never had one guy send me flowers, let alone three.  Well, OK, two guys and the devil.  But still!  Three bouquets in two days.  Not bad.

Taking a deep breath, I checked my messages.  As I feared, my mother had called numerous times leaving me increasingly acerbic messages.  She couldn’t get over my deceit as she called it in not telling her that Ned was gay.  Considering how she reacted, I didn’t think it was so astonishing that I hadn’t wanted to tell her a thing.  Besides, she was the one who’d hung up on me, not the other way around.  I was tempted to erase her messages and pretend I’d never received them.  I knew, however, that the longer I ignored her, the worse it would get.  After three successive messages from her, there was one from Wind who didn’t sound at all like her usual self.  She wanted to know what happened after she left my apartment, if Lucifer had returned.  I vowed not to talk about the Morningstar with Wind until she got over her unseemly crush.  I knew she would be embarrassed by it once she came to her senses.  In the middle of my rumination, my cell phone rang.

“Hello?”  I answered absentmindedly, still thinking about Wind.

“Girl, we so have to talk!”  It was Ned, of course.  I hadn’t talked to him since he did the town with Ted.  “I have so much to tell you about my evening with your paramour.  Can you come over here to dish?”

“Why don’t you come here?”  I asked, pacing back and forth.  I preferred Ned and Wind coming to my place so I didn’t have to come home late at night.  Neither of them minded as they both liked to drive, and as I mentioned, neither had to get up before the crack of dawn.  Usually.

“I’ll be over in two shakes.  Oooh, I’ll bring some sushi.  That should be right up your alley.”  Before I could verbally smack him, he was off and running.  I took the plunge and called my mother.  At least Ned and sushi would console me after she put me through the wringer.

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Dogged Ma; chapter ten, part one

Chapter Ten; Part One

“We must first fill the room with incense.”  Wind had been gracious enough to come over that night in answer to my urgent plea.  I knew that I had to seal that damn portal, no matter how much I wanted to remain connected to Lucifer.  “We need to chase the bad spirits out.”  She lit some incense—jasmine, by the smell of it—and handed several sticks to me, keeping several for herself.  She started waving them in the air, indicating that I should follow suit.  I did, but I felt ridiculous doing so.  I didn’t buy into that New-Agey shit, no matter how couched it was in Eastern lingo.  Still, Wind was the expert; I would listen to her until it became too ludicrous for me to do so.

“Close your eyes while I say a quick prayer to the goddess.”  I obeyed, my rational mind thinking it’d be better to pray to God in this case.  I sent Him a brief word as well, figuring it best to hedge my bets.

“Mighty Goddess, listen to my pleas.  Help this woman be strong against the influence of the Dark Prince.  She needs your strength—do not fail her now.”  Wind started humming a tune I didn’t recognize, and I kept my eyes closed.  I was starting to feel stupid when Wind instructed me to bow deeply before opening my eyes.  I had a hunch God was roaring with laughter at our feeble antics, but I kept that opinion to myself.

“Now, sit on the floor cross-legged while I set a few things in place.”  Wind’s tone was bossy as she rummaged through her bag.  As she was doing me a favor, I tried not to take offense.  I watched as she took out a heap of sage and placed a bundle in each corner of the living room.  She seemed to think my living room contained the actual portal though I first saw the Morningstar in my bathroom.  She said she’d fortify each room later, but the living room was the focus of her attention.

After she lit the sage on fire, she popped a CD in my player and pressed play.  Some flute music wafted out of my speakers, grating on my nerves.  How could I take this seriously when everything about it screamed hokey?  I tried to clear my mind of negative thoughts, but it was difficult.  I watched in disbelief as Wind started hopping and jumping around the room.  I assumed she was trying to mimic an Indian dance, but the jerkiness of her movements made it hard to discern.  She hummed under her breath to the tune on the CD player, totally involved in what she was doing.  She lifted her hands upwards, beseeching the Goddess to hear our cries.  As she was the only one crying out, I thought she was stretching the truth a bit.

“God,” I muttered softly.  What the fuck had I gotten myself into?  Was I just making things worse with this idiotic behavior on the part of Wind?  Who the fuck knew?

“Margaret, come here.”  Wind’s voice snapped me out of my funk.  I rose and crossed over to her.  She made a new bundle of sage and lit it before waving it over my head.  I sneezed several times, but Wind kept waving.  Just when I was going to grab the shit out of her hand and throw it as far as possible, she stopped.  “Hold this.”  She gave me the bundle before rummaging through her bag again.  This time, she pulled out a box of white chalk and drew out a stick.

“Hey, what the fuck are you doing with that?”  I asked in alarm as she started for one of my maroon-colored walls.

“I have to mark your walls,” Wind explained, drawing a symbol on one of my walls.

“You can’t do that!”  I exclaimed, grabbing her drawing arm.  “Stop!”

“I have to,” Wind retorted, jerking away from me.  I stood back helplessly as she continued to mark my walls with esoteric symbols.  Thank God it was only chalk which could be easily wiped off.  Or so I hoped.

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